Saturday, April 12, 2008

Words to Starve By

"Sometimes you have to go on when you don't feel like it, and sometimes you're doing good work when it feels like all you're managing to do is to shovel shit from a sitting position."
—Stephen King

Words to Starve By

"If the doctor told me I had six minutes to live, I'd type a little faster."
—Isaac Asimov

Words to Starve By

"I read part of it all the way through."
—Samuel Goldwyn

Words to Starve By

"Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man wanted to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion."
—L. Ron Hubbard

Words to Starve By

"You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."
—Mark Twain

Words to Starve By

"A writer never has a vacation. For a writer, life consists of either writing or thinking about writing."
—Eugene Ionesco

Words to Starve By

"The brain that doesn't feed itself, eats itself."
—Gore Vidal

Words to Starve By

"Writers definitely make it look too easy. Now everyone thinks they can do it."
—Star Lawrence

Fantasy Gifts for Writers


RELIEF DEVICE—Writers use this to rap themselves in the head repeatedly just for the pleasure of stopping. This one is specially designed for the female scribe. Also useful for applying percussive therapy to computers and peripherals.

Fantasy Gifts for Writers


PREBROKEN PENCILS—Your writer may not have time to break all of his or her pencils. Not breaking them may result in the sharpened end being thrust through the writer's palm. Writers are not allowed to play with sharp things, anyway, at least in most states.

Fantasy Gifts for Writers


POSTURE IMPROVER—Writers tend to slump at their keyboards. Balancing a yummy snack on one's head improves shoulder alignment. Of course, almost any client happily will shoot if off (or aim for it) without even being asked.

Fantasy Gifts for Writers


DICKSHUNAIRY—Many people spell things the way they like. There used to be rules, agreed-upon spellings. This was before craigslist. The writer in your life probably can't remember those anymore. This will help.

Fantasy Gifts for Writers


RUSH DEADLINE AID—When the work comes in a 6 pm, many writers use this handy pants-securing device to lash themselves into the desk chair for the night. This one also comes in dollar-store plastic.

Fantasy Gifts for Writers


HEALTH INSURANCE—Many writers have heard of this any they want it! Giving your writer his or her own policy means not having to hear about their headaches and anxiety attacks. A bonus: They can now get prescription drugs.

Fantasy Gifts for Writers


WRITER'S COMFORT FOOD—Maybe Hemingway quaffed the Pernod and warfled down the French delicacies, but the writer in your life probably heads for the familiar blue box. Get a year's supply—365 boxes.

Words to Starve By

"It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."
—John Wooden

WRONG! of the Week (WOTW)

"We don't have the budget to pay any more local columnists, but we're always looking for local people interested in submitting material (generally 500 to 600 words). We run a byline, and, when possible, a photo of the writer."
Well, thanks...but I do this for a living, this writing thing. You'd be amazed, though, at how many people think we should not charge because they don't have money to pay.

Words to Starve By

"Writing is a fairly lonely business unless you invite people in to watch you do it, which is often distracting, and then have to ask them to leave."
—Marc Lawrence