Fantasy Gifts for Writers

RELIEF DEVICE—Writers use this to rap themselves in the head repeatedly just for the pleasure of stopping. This one is specially designed for the female scribe. Also useful for applying percussive therapy to computers and peripherals.

Fantasy Gifts for Writers

PREBROKEN PENCILS—Your writer may not have time to break all of his or her pencils. Not breaking them may result in the sharpened end being thrust through the writer's palm. Writers are not allowed to play with sharp things, anyway, at least in most states.

Fantasy Gifts for Writers

POSTURE IMPROVER—Writers tend to slump at their keyboards. Balancing a yummy snack on one's head improves shoulder alignment. Of course, almost any client happily will shoot if off (or aim for it) without even being asked.

Fantasy Gifts for Writers

DICKSHUNAIRY—Many people spell things the way they like. There used to be rules, agreed-upon spellings. This was before craigslist. The writer in your life probably can't remember those anymore. This will help.

Fantasy Gifts for Writers

RUSH DEADLINE AID—When the work comes in a 6 pm, many writers use this handy pants-securing device to lash themselves into the desk chair for the night. This one also comes in dollar-store plastic.

Fantasy Gifts for Writers

HEALTH INSURANCE—Many writers have heard of this any they want it! Giving your writer his or her own policy means not having to hear about their headaches and anxiety attacks. A bonus: They can now get prescription drugs.

Fantasy Gifts for Writers

WRITER'S COMFORT FOOD—Maybe Hemingway quaffed the Pernod and warfled down the French delicacies, but the writer in your life probably heads for the familiar blue box. Get a year's supply—365 boxes.